conquering negative thinking

             Are your thoughts helping to build you up, or tear you down?  That's the question Lesley Alderman poses in his recent NY Times article on conquering negative thinking.  You can think yourself into a spiral of negativity and only see gloom and doom.  You can keep moping.  You can believe that everyone is out to get you. But at one point or another it's neither fun for yourself nor the people around you.  Then it's time to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and do something about it.

            When you figure out and formulate what you want, and work towards it, instead of criticizing the present situation or what you currently don't have, you feel more energetic, more invigorated, more satisfied, and more inspired.   That's the beginning of hope.  Fear and anger can also spur an amazing amount of creative energy if put to good use.

            Complacency on the other hand, sitting back and hoping that others will do the work for you, waiting to see what happens, isn't going to get you anywhere. So put out there what you want, imagine it, "be the change you wish to see in the world," and make one small move in that direction today; and another one tomorrow; and the following day.  That is intent.  That is the only way to initiate change.  And it feels good because you make it happen.  You are in charge.

let's dream

           A day late, but never too late for this message.  While Martin Luther King, Jr. was a person of color, his message of love and peace and respect is of course universal and has nothing to do with skin color.  On MLK day we celebrate his courage in the face of adversity, his vision to communicate peacefully in a world fraught with adversity and strife, his vision for harmony and kindness on Earth, and for showing us a better way,  - a dream still, but let's keep dreaming.   

            Let's embrace his message in our own backyard - in our families, among our friends, at work, at school.  When I can see myself in all other fellow men, in any fellow man or woman, when I can see that they all have the same needs for safety, a roof over their head, a good job, healthful food, dignity and respect, as I do, that they all have the same fears I do, and the same need for love and acceptance, skin color is no longer the issue.  When we become peaceful internally we will become peaceful externally.  Let's all remember his dream and make it our's - it's a universal dream.

tangoing from the heart

             A few weeks ago my husband and I started taking beginner lessons in Argentine tango - the place is only ten minutes from our house and the lessons happen to be free - major incentives - although we have dabbled in ballroom dancing since before we had kids (always on and off, always at the glorified beginner level).

            But tango seems different, less mechanical and structured than conventional ballroom dancing, and more intuitive and sensual.  For one there is that sliding, slithering tango walk - the most basic tangoing might actually simply entail slide-walking to tango music.  Tango requires dropping from the head into the heart, and isn't that the topic of our times?  Tango teaches trust because the follower always moves backwards.  As a matter of fact some of the practice exercises were done with closed eyes.   More so than conventional ballroom dancing (at least it seems so from my beginner perspective), tango becomes a complete merging of self, music, and partner, an in-the-moment moving, feeling, trusting, responding to your partner - no anticipation, just being in the now.

            Tango, and ballroom dancing in general, is good for your health.  It helps your balance and coordination, moving to music is joyful, tango, in particular, is also very sensual, it requires and trains trust, it's great exercise that's a lot more fun than running on a treadmill, you can do it 'til the day you die, and as a social activity connects you with people.  As an exercise in togetherness, partnership, and trusting it's a perfect hobby for our times. 

            We need to play more, we need to dance more, we need to enjoy life more.

hahaha

           Laughing is good for you.  As a matter of fact laughter should be prescribed as medicine.  It reduces stress hormones, diffuses anger, triggers endorphins - those feel-good hormones, oxygenates and massages your organs, makes you feel relaxed, aids in the elimination of toxins, and boosts your immune system.  That sounds like therapy to me.

            Laughter is so good for you that an Indian internist, Dr. Madan Kataria, invented laughter yoga two decades ago; the Mayo Clinic promotes laughter for stress management purposes; and it's an excellent addition to cancer therapy because a positive outlook improves your chances for healing.

            A few years ago I tried out laughter yoga when I saw that a session was offered in my area.  At first it seems quite bizarre to laugh with a bunch of people you don't know, about nothing in particular, and do a bunch of things to get everyone to start laughing for the simple sake of getting you to laugh.  But soon enough it becomes contagious and everyone in the room goes from giggles, to laughing, to full belly laugh in no time.  Soon enough you don't know anymore why you're laughing, because you're not laughing at a joke or something someone did, but simply because everyone else laughs so hard.  It's very cathartic and very funny and feels very good.

            When was the last time you had a really good belly laugh?

weaving your story

            What is your story?   Have you ever thought about your life as a story that you are weaving and creating as your life unfolds?  Do you like your story so far?  Is there an overriding theme?  What are the chapters called?

            Think of yourself as the author of your story.  What is your story telling?  Do you have plans for the rest of your story?  Every day, every year, is a new opportunity to adjust your story, change your story, add a new chapter.  What do you want the next act to look like?  Writing about it clarifies your story better than simply reflecting on it. 

            The overarching theme of my life is Healing.  When I was a teenager I wanted to become a doctor.  That didn't happen, I dropped out of medical school.  Now I write about healing ourselves in order to heal our stressed planet because the healing begins with each one of us internally.

            Why not think of your life as a novel with a long table of content?  Name your chapters and create the yet unwritten ones.  Life becomes play, life becomes a play, a play you write in real time.  How exciting is that?  Imagine you could dream up anything you want for your future.  Why not write the next chapters of your story as you like to see them unfold?  Is your story a musical?  A drama?  A play?  Is it complicated, with intrigues and long chapters?  Name some of your accomplishment;  failures;  challenges.   How would you summarize your life in a few sentences? How would you want others to summarize your life when it's over?  What do you still want to accomplish? 

            Just imagine!

first coffee, first walk

           On Sunday, first day of the new year, we had fun marveling at all the firsts we experienced - first cup of tea of the new year, first breakfast of the new year, first walk of the new year, and on and on.  It was fun and uplifting.  My husband mused about how exciting life would be if we looked at everything we do as a "first," with the sense of wonderment and freshness the new year brings. 

            That's the secret of living in the moment!  There is always a new day, a new month, a new afternoon, to keep playing this game endlessly. Try it.

did you take a big bite?

             Our current perception of time, cut up into segments that start over after each cycle, let's us take stock and reboot to begin fresh.  2016 is winding down with the passing of two big stars, Carrie Fisher and George Michael.  Neither of them was very old.   But a wise soul said to me once not to judge a life by its length but by its meaning.

            Here, then, are two messages to take away as this year wanes.  Take stock and look back.  What significance did this year have for you?  What did you learn?  What did you accomplish?  What influence have you had on those around you?  Did you give?  Did you take?  Have you gained depth?  Compassion?   What were the big moments this year for you personally?  How do they fit into the bigger scheme of the you-theme?  My biggest accomplishment this year was the completion of my book - finally.  It will be out this winter.

            The message that goes hand in hand with the first one is to live big, to live life to its fullest - my mother-in-law called it taking a big bite out of life.  You can't go back and fix things in the past.  But you can shift your mindset right now and make the next moment, and the next day or month or year, significant.  Take a big bite out of life today, and this coming year.  Make it meaningful, for yourself and others, through your actions.

Happy ChristmaHanukkah

            Finding canny significances in events and things - some call it synchronicity - makes life more meaningful, and can send a strong message. 

            This year Christmas Eve and the first day of Hanukkah fall on the same day.  Why not take this convergence as an opportunity to celebrate inclusiveness and togetherness?  We are stronger together than fragmented into splinter groups. Instead of lighting candles for Christmas, or lighting candles for Hanukkah, why not light candles for peace, for happiness, for compassion, for inclusiveness, for understanding, for awareness, for human rights this year?  May light prevail over darkness, and may love prevail over anger and hatred.  Wishing all a happy ChristmaHanukkah.

opening the door

             It's easy to post an opinion or a judgment out there on social media because nobody sits across from you and looks you in the eyes.  It may get rid of pent up anger or fear by throwing something out into cyberland.  But it doesn't open a real dialogue. 

            A true dialogue, and true healing, happens when we sit across from each other and see each other's humanness, our commonalities, when we share our dreams, whishes, and desires, but also our vulnerabilities, feelings, and emotions. 

            We are all entitled to our own opinions, and we don't have to agree with each other's views.  But discussing face-to-face how we feel, putting our fears out on the table, acknowledging our emotions, opens the doors to a dialogue, to listening, to respecting each other's thinking, to finding out that we usually have more commonalities than differences.

            Listening deeply opens up a space.   Open the door to peace and dialogue - it begins in your own heart.

time for Besinnlichkeit

             In German culture, Christmas, and the Advent weeks prior, is a time of Besinnlichkeit, which, like Gemütlichkeit (see earlier blog post on that), is a term that can't quite be translated directly, only approached through approximate synonyms and a description.

            American Christmas is "bright" and "merry," a time for joyful Christmas parties and conviviality.  The Christmas music reflects that - think of Here Comes Santa Claus, or A Holly Jolly Christmas.  German Christmas is reflective in flavor and indicative of the cold, dark time of year when we hibernate and go inward.   The German Christmas spirit also expresses the holiness of the celebration.  Germans get together for Advent coffee with homemade Christmas cookies and Stollen while listening to Christmas music and lighting the candles on their Advent wreaths; they go to Christmas concerts and Christmas markets; and the kids sit together over Christmas crafts (well, maybe no longer, but we did anyway, when we were young).  Many German Christmas songs are hundreds of years old and sound a lot more "churchy," solemn, mystical, and reflective.

            It's good to intersperse our hectic technology-infused lives with times of slowing down.   Besinnlichkeit is a combination of introspection and reflection, of pensiveness and going inward, of centering and grounding, of connecting with the spiritual.    To me, Christmas has always been somewhat mystical, and Besinnlichkeit let's me tap back into that enchanted world of childhood magic.