on quietude

We have been living in a very old house in the countryside on a fairly busy road for the past two decades. Before that we lived in New York City, where you hear car alarms and fire trucks at all hours of day and night, and where there is always background noise. As a matter-of-fact, except for a few years when I was young, I have always lived in big noisy cities. You do get used to the constant background noise, but it becomes like a chronic illness. After a while you only notice how noisy it is, when there is silence in between. I know they say that quiet comes from within. But then they also say that we create what we connect with, what we need, what we are attracted to.  When I was young I was always looking for inspiration from the outside - travel, experiences, moving to yet another place, or starting another career. You can create a certain amount of inner quiet, but at one point or another, peace and quiet around you are helpful for tuning out chatter, staying grounded, concentrating on your work, and promoting peace and balance.

It is wonderfully grounding and balancing to just sit in nature with no other noises than chirping birds, buzzing bees, the wind quietly sweeping through the grass, or the waves of a lake lapping at the shore - and in between utter silence, nothing. No electronic beeps and alerts, no planes overhead (just heard one), no cars passing by (several just drove past), no phones ringing (yep, just rang), no kitchen machines running in the background (I hear the faint noise of the dishwasher humming). All those mechanical human made sounds are less harmonious to our ears and grate at you after a while.

Inner and outer silence make room for creativity, for concentration, for going deep within. It's what they mean by a pregnant pause - the in-between space, the space that came before the Big Bang. This space is empty but so full of potential.  I am looking forward to this quietude as a basis for increased creativity in the coming years.  When I open the windows in our new house all I hear is birds singing, the wind swishing through the trees, and occasionally the neighbor's rooster crowing (ahh, such a European countryside sound to my ears, love it).  Pure bliss.

the war against evil?

Have you ever wondered why there is so much warfare, strife, and conflict out there? Mother Teresa supposedly replied to an invitation to participate in an anti-war demonstration by saying: "You can invite me when you are planning a pro-peace event." The perspective is fundamentally different.

Ask yourself how you think. We tend to be against certain politics, hate such-and-such a person, dislike fish, mind the rain, despise the humidity, or have a dust allergy. In summary, we very much know everything we don't like. The problem with that perspective is that it creates adversity and conflict, inside ourselves and outside in the world around us. It reinforces the negative. When we can't get along with our neighbor because he mows his lawn at odd hours, and we dislike him for it and stop talking to him, we create conflict. When we can't have a spirited but civil dinner table conversation with a person of the other political party, we create conflict. When we spray pesticides on the little critters in the garden, we create conflict. When we forbid our children certain activities or certain behavior, it creates conflict.

How about looking at it the other way round, in the affirmative? This refocuses our outlook on what we like, on what we want, and want more of. How about rewarding your children (even just with kind words) for the type of behavior you would like to see more of? How about marching for peace? How about modeling the behavior you would like to see in others? How about making a list of all the things and people you do appreciate? How about remembering everything that went right today?

The war within and without keep going if we keep feeding the fire. How about starving that fire, instead?

let's celebrate

Sometimes it's not so much about what we celebrate than that we celebrate. We make up reasons to celebrate to lift ourselves out of the rut, day-to-day life, the ordinary. Think yin and yang. Whether it's a birthday, a milestone, or a national holiday - they are all great reasons to celebrate.

We thrive on being with people, sharing food with people, talking with people, doing things with people. And that's what celebrations are about. Getting out of the office, out of bed, out of everyday life and making an effort. Of course it's more of an effort if the celebration is at your own house than if you are just visiting somewhere. But we all take turns between being invited and being hosts. And why not look at party prep time as playtime, using the reason for the celebration as a theme for food and decorations and even games. I know people who knock themselves out with party themes so it all matches, food included. That can be a lot of fun.

So here's to a happy 4th!

learn your body

Your body is remarkable. Your body is what affords you this amazing experience here on earth. Your body is an extension of your mind and soul. We need to be grateful for it, to appreciate it, to nourish it. Of course body, mind and soul are inextricably linked.  But we don't always get it.

Your body talks to you, all the time, continuously. Well, not in English, but it communicates with you. It's a matter of learning not only to listen to it ("ouch, I just hurt myself"), but also to hear it ("gee, I just pulled a muscle"), and then to interpret it correctly ("I wonder where my thoughts were that I didn't take it easy, instead of overextending myself. I really need to get back into the Here and Now"). Use your body's feedback to give it what it needs.   Your body is in a major way a product of your mind. If you don't love it, find it beautiful, nurture it with the best quality food you can buy, and the kindest and most cooperative thoughts and beliefs, the consequences will show up eventually.

We tend to ignore the body, to brush it aside when it talks to us. But it can only go on for so long before showing you more strongly that it needs to be taken care of. When you notice a symptom STOP. Go within. What is your body telling you? Is a specific belief hurting you (maybe "I hate my legs," or "I am fat")? A headache tells you that your mind can't take any more, it needs time to rest and digest. Each ache and pain tells a story. Each malady you "catch" indicates a neglected need.

Instead of popping a pill, brushing over or ignoring a symptom, perhaps remaining entirely unaware of a specific negative belief, learn your body's language. It's a bit like learning Russian or how to communicate with animals. It's a new language. Some of that language can be very symbolical. I yawn a lot when I'm driving (must bore me a lot), and I sneeze when I have had enough after a long evening and just want my peace and quiet (go away, people). It can be more strongly symbolical as in interpreting the causes of heart disease (open it up), or breaking a limb ("I need a break"). The symptoms are always deeply personal and theoretically we should be the ones to decipher them and come up with a method of treatment accordingly.  I know it's not that easy.

Try to make friends with your body, cooperate with it, give it what it needs. You'll make friends with yourself in a much deeper way.

give your cellphone a break

It's not easy. When my kids are home, more often than not they lounge in their rooms and stare either into a laptop or their cellphone. I do remember that my teenage friends and I used to spend hours hogging the home phone and talking our heads off, even though we may have just seen each other in school. So kids need to communicate with their friends, and they do a lot of that now through their e-devices.

But beyond that we all rely too much on those devices for easy and brainless entertainment (such as those silly online tests on what color you would be if you were a color, or those old-people-dancing-I-can't believe-what-they-just-did You Tube videos and what not). Children imitate their parents and the surrounding culture. If you are stuck in your phone or on your laptop all the time, don't be surprised if your child does the same. (Young) children admire their parents and want to be like them. I read a lot when I'm not working (on a computer), and I prefer paper books to e-readers, especially since I read a lot of nonfiction and like to highlight what seems important.  But my kids get a lot of their information from the internet.

I often see adults walking through town, nose deep in their cellphone, bumping into people, even stumbling, blocking the outside world out. A few years ago I took my daughter to a library event on animals, which I followed with interest because they had live animals on hand. But most parents sat in the back, scrolling up and down their Facebook news feeds and emails.

I hate going to a restaurant with people who spend more time with their online friends than the friends sitting right across the table. The other night, when I took my daughter out for an end-of-school-year treat, I observed a mom with her two boys at a neighboring table. She only looked up from her phone when food was served. The rest of the time she spent in (yes, in seems to be the better term, not on) her cellphone instead of talking with her boys - sad. How would you feel if you looked at your mother for inspiration and she kept ignoring you, finding her cellphone more interesting than you?

People, wake up! Life is right here, it's not inside your little devices.   Why not spend flesh-and-blood instead of cybertime time with your friends? These devices are practical, perhaps even ingenious, but let's keep our priorities straight.

when to sow and harvest

While native inhabitants, intimately knowledgeable with their local soil and weather conditions, have oftentimes known to plant in harmony with the lunar cycles (see more info here), Maria Thun, a leading authority on biodynamic agriculture, took this idea one step further. She did extensive research on the planetary influences on all produce growing phases.

Biodynamics (see here a previous blog posts on biodynamics) has often been criticized by skeptics. However, as it is dawning on us that the agriculture we have been practicing for the last 50 or so years may be doing more damage than good on a long-term basis, all kinds of alternative models are being resurrected and researched. These models all require a deep knowledge of local conditions - weather, soil, and native plant combinations.  So it behooves us to be open to all kinds of old and new, gentle and cocreative ways to grow out food.

So back to where I'm headed, which is a more connected way to grow your veggies and when. Based on her research, Maria Thun came to the conclusion that different planetary phases influence the growth of plants in different ways. Based on her research she came up with optimal timings for sowing certain types of plants, depending on whether they are root based (i.e. beets, carrots), leaf based (i.e. kale, spinach), fruit based (i.e. tomatoes, eggplant), or flower based (i.e. marigolds) and harvesting.

You can buy the annual illustrated biodynamic Stella Natura calendar, which has many interesting articles and is easy to read and use, but a very consumer friendly version is also available online at rhythmofnature.net (see blog illustration on top).

It has been demonstrated that produce sown into healthy rich soil and sown according to this calendar makes for a much stronger and more resistant plant (I would still recommend buying organic heirloom seeds, though) and a more prolific harvest.

Give it a try.

a bit of formality

The other day my son expressed his confusion over the seeming contradiction between my liberal convictions on the one hand, and my slight formality on the other. I like a bit of flourish, a bit of ritual, some social conventions, respect for the elderly.   And it's probably because of my European background. For example, I have a thing about going to school in flip flops, tank tops or spaghetti straps (which, I think, all belong to the beach), just like I wouldn't go to the office in such attire. I wouldn't go to the supermarket in flip flops, I don't walk around town in shorts, and I feel a bit underdressed and self-conscious when I walk through town in yoga pants on my way to a class. And I never wear sneakers.

I like a nicely set dinner table (with forks and knives in their proper places, and plates and glasses neatly aligned across from each other), and we dress up for special holidays like Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or Easter. I like a bit of ceremony when we have people over for dinner. I plan and choreograph the evening so things run smoothly, so people feel taken care of and don't have to go looking around for water or a fork, so the table looks nice, and so I also have some time to spend with our guests.

Almost every morning, save for some Sundays, I put lipstick and a bit of eye-make-up on and accessorize my outfit, even though I work from home. The other day my daughter said to me "you look a little tired." That was before I had put my eye make-up on, and that is exactly what I always used to say to my own mother when I'd see her without eye make-up.  I'd rather look awake and ready for the day.

Whether it's the European background or my particular family, we were taught proper table manners (using your cutlery from the outside in during a many-course meal, how to place fork and knife when finished vs. when you are still eating, which glass is for which beverage - white/red/water -, serving the oldest woman first and the youngest boy last, and such.

We were also taught proper social conventions by example (holding the door open for the person right behind you, writing thank-you notes for presents received - emailed is better than none -, rsvping on time so the host can plan ahead, and eating what's being served without argument or lengthy explanations of special dietary requirements - just leave aside what you don't want).

All these little conventions, which we could call formal or rigid or dusty, do have some meaning. I enjoy walking past someone nicely dressed at the supermarket, I appreciate when the person in front hands me the door instead of slamming it thoughtlessly into my face, I like being called "Mrs. Fitzsimmons" by a kindergartner instead of "Susanne." These little things become effortless, and let you be more aware of others.  They smooth over the rough edges of life, and make living with others more pleasant.  It's about being thoughtful and respectful, and shows others that you care.

with nature, not against it

The present (waning) industrial petro-energy age, while having afforded us an enormous leap in standard of living, is also unfortunately characterized by domination and exploitation of nature, which we not only rape but also use as a dumping ground for the ensuing waste of the technologies we have developed - a win-lose situation all around. The dire consequences of this belief system are at our doorstep now. A new way of seeing ourselves is embedded and part of nature, not apart from nature. This perspective is birthing a whole new way of looking at technology. Science writer Janine Benyus calls it biomimicry and wrote a book about it. Biomimicry looks at how nature does things and then emulates it for our human applications.

A terrific example from architecture & engineering is a huge building complex in Zimbabwe whose cooling system was inspired by termites' design of their weird looking desert dens that maintain a constant 86 degrees F, even though the outside temperature may range from 30 at night to 110 in mid-day.

An example from agriculture is permaculture.  Permaculture is a man made food growing system that integrates local weather and soil conditions, native and predominantly perennial plants (that don't require tilling the soil), possible integration of animals into the system design, all in a circular wasteless process. Therefore, permaculture has no negative impact on the surrounding environment and it produces food for us.

Win-win all around!  What a great new paradigm.

beYOUtiful

Inauthentic living creates a lot of stress. Inauthentic living is going against your grain, it's doing things to please or impress others.

Authentic living is about leaving behind pretense. It's about being You instead of a composite of what your family, your partner, your culture, or your friends think you should be. Living authentically is about being true to yourself, about doing what your heart tells you to, about aligning yourself with source (God, spirit, your higher self, whatever you wish to call it), about that which is good for you. This let's the energy flow.

Every time someone says to you "you should," you are being shoehorned into their vision of you. Every time you say to someone "you should," you are doing the same to someone else. A lot of times you probably tell yourself, reluctantly maybe, "I should," because of some preconceived notion or belief you hold. Think again.

I learned early in life to be different and to stand up for my beliefs. My best friend in elementary school taught me that lesson. She was different, she came from a different background than the mainstream kids, she looked exotic with her jet black hair and green eyes, and some kids made fun of her because of the way she spoke. I came to her defense, which in turn sprouted a fierce sense of individuality in me. Now I teach my children to critically inspect the many cultural mainstream paradigms before following the lemmings.

Many of us live in fear  - of not having enough (money or other things, but mostly money), losing our job if we don't please the boss, losing our social standing if we do something outside of the social norm of our peers. Conforming for supposed emotional protection at the expense of authenticity is always a compromise.

Feeling good about who you are deep down takes courage because oftentimes that means going against what others do, think, say. But it makes you shine. BeYOUtiful is what you want to be, because you become more beautiful the more you become You.

I also invite to revisit an earlier post "finding the You in You."

rest is best

....or about getting to know your body. It is invaluable  to listen to and understand your body, to learn to read its signals. While it is easy to pop a pill and not give a symptom a second thought, it is helpful and eye-opening to look at symptoms as an expression of something that is going on in your mind. After all, body and mind are inextricably linked.

A headache is something that can oftentimes easily be deciphered as lack of rest, or a cold (need for rest again), or a subconscious issue that bothers you, or a looming decision that's got you in a tizzy, or something stressful going on. Popping that headache pill will eliminate the symptom, at least temporarily, but it will not solve the actual problem. So it makes sense to tune in and go a little deeper to try to understand what caused the headache.

A pulled muscle's provenance is easy to identify and the treatment is straightforward. But, again, popping that pill helps to cover the pain, while it does nothing for actually giving that muscle the rest it needs to heal. Besides, why did you pull it? No time to warm up? Impatience? The answer may be to slow down. And the pulled muscle does that for you.

When something is not quite right in my diet my stomach makes itself known right away. Whether too much meat or carbs, not enough greens, too much sweet stuff - my stomach tells me.   Stress, too, shows up in my stomach.

Two questions to ask yourself about a symptom are: "What does this symptom prevent me from doing?" and "What does this symptom force me to do?"

Breaking a leg prevents you from running around, having a cold makes you rest, losing your voice forces you to be quiet. There can be a lot of symbolism between a symptom and your particular need at this point in time. Don't ignore that need. By simply suppressing that underlying emotional or physical need your body will show you in a different way what it needs.

So - tune in.

P.S.: I also invite you to reread an earlier related blog post "are accidents really accidents?"