slow that train down

I used to rush around quite a bit during the pre-Christmas season, trying to accomplish my regular work work load and then fit all the other things in between, before and after - and ended up breathless and with misgivings and guilt about the lack of Christmas spirit - and Christmas cookies. This Christmas season is different. As a matter-of-fact, I put my whole book writing project on hold until after the holidays because - where am I rushing to anyhow?   As Lewis Carroll's Alice said somewhere "the hurrier I go, the behinder I get." I love that quote. When my mind isn't into something and I'd rather do something else, or feel guilty about not doing what I really want to be doing, then I am not doing any one of them justice.

So yesterday I stopped my work work earlier than usual and decided to bake Christmas cookies with my daughter - one of my favorite German Christmas cookie recipes: dark chocolate covered hazelnut shortbread or Haselnußgebäck. Sure, I got less work work done (although even that is relative - measured against what?), but I felt more in tune with the true holiday spirit and myself. When I surface skim and rush and get one more thing done I may indeed cross another thing off that never ending to-do list. But that list is truly endless. More will inevitably be added to it tomorrow and the day after. That's the way it goes. So I had to slow that train down to something like "the more leisurely I go, the deeper I live."

And when I do decide to do work work I light a candle and put on some Christmas carols.  

giving within your means

When I was (really) little my dad took me to a store just before Christmas and we bought a thimble as a Christmas present from me to my mom. And my mom took me to a store to buy with me a tiny leather coin purse in the shape of a mouse for me to give to my dad for Christmas. It was a lesson on giving within your means that has lasted until today. As a newly married many years later I was quite upset when my husband and I were coerced by his siblings to contribute to a new dishwasher for his mother, which was not within our means at the time and we had to scrape the money together. He comes from a family that believes in the direct relationship between the amount of money spent on a present and how much you love someone. I remember him telling me of selling his skates as a youngster to buy a present for Mother's Day, which still makes me sad.

I believe that it is the thought that counts. We all go through times where we have to watch what we spend. Nevertheless, it feels good to give and we want to express our love and appreciation. As a teenager I always made my own presents, needlework, crocheted items, sewn items. I love receiving homemade food items.   Whether it's a jar of honey from your own hives, homemade bread, sausage, mustard, herb infused oil or vinegar, cookies - I so appreciate such a present. I like crafted items, too - a pillow, napkins, a table runner. When my children were little and went to a small Waldorf kindergarten they made candles with applied wax motifs - beautiful. My 14-year old daughter is learning to sew and has made aprons, pyjama pants, tote bags, and much much more - all terrific low cost gifts with a personal touch. I used to receive coupon booklets from my children, such as for sharpening knives, emptying the dishwasher, or folding the laundry, all tedious jobs to me.  How about coupons for grown-ups for babysitting, cooking a meal, or running errands?

Lastly, the packaging can really make your gift shine and sparkle and makes it special. You can do so much with colorful tissue paper in a few colors, some sparkle, and some pretty fabric ribbon (I stock up whenever it's on sale at a crafts store). I have even wrapped presents in newspaper, which can look really cool, and I always recycle pretty ribbons and gift bags if they are in good condition.

healthy eggs from healthy chickens

I go out of my way to buy healthy eggs from healthy chickens from sane farmers, which means I avoid buying eggs, even organic ones, from the supermarket if I can help it at all (organic eggs don't necessarily come from better treated chickens, they only eat a different diet). That has not been so easy lately as chickens naturally reduce their egg production during the cold dark months and our family's need for eggs goes up with all the holiday baking between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Commercial chicken labeling, such as cage free, free range and even pasture raised, is pretty meaningless once you delve deeper (follow the link for more info). These terms mean next to nothing and it's all about laying more and more eggs at the expense of the chickens' health and wellbeing (the horrors the horrors, so sad - follow this link for more info on that).

Pretty much the only way to assure that the chickens whose eggs you eat are tended to respectfully, and that their egg production is not exploitative but cooperative, is to get them locally. We have several farmers in the area who sell eggs, and I also buy them from chicken keeping friends when they have a surplus (but that is not in the winter time). So I know how those chickens live, how they are treated and what they eat.

This past week we were out of eggs and I couldn't get myself to buying them from the supermarket, although that would have been more convenient. Instead, I called the local farmer I usually go to, preordered 4 dozen eggs (they keep), and waited a few days until he had gathered enough, then finally drove to the farm to pick them up (and return the old egg cartons so they can be reused). Sometimes it's a bit of a pain in the neck to live by what you believe in.

less gifts, more love

Our Christmas present list used to be very long and I used to start Christmas shopping around October/November to enjoy December more. That is one solution to the Christmas gift quandary and the December stress spike. "My life is a rat race, haven't even started Christmas shopping. Only have teachers' gifts done. Gotta get going. Feeling pressure!!!!!!" a friend recently posted. All that pressure, all those obligations we feel piled on top of us take away from the sparkly twinkly holiday spirit we all remember from childhood and want back so much.

it's all in the presentation

We have pared our Christmas gift giving down drastically, not because we don't love our family members any less, but because I love myself more, and it makes me less hassled in December. I remember how hard it used to be to find meaningful presents for my father-in-law, or my own grandparents. And even my dad had enough socks and books and sweaters and did not need another scarf for Christmas.

My husband and I have agreed with both our families that we adults don't need more stuff and to limit Christmas gift giving to each other and the closest children in the family. I send flowers to my parents and pictures of the family, but no more presents bought hastily under stress and duress. Time together or a telephone call is more important.

homemade mustard

An idea I love for simple gifts is homemade foods, cookies, pickles, mustards, jams. If you are someone who makes these throughout the year simply plan ahead, make a little more and put your goodies into pretty jars and containers. All done.

I do as much of the gift shopping for the children as I can locally (love all the little craft stores, their presents are unique, local gift certificates are great, too), and teachers get beautifully tinned cookies or chocolates, which I buy way ahead of time when I am out and about anyhow. Et voilà, very little stress, all done with my Christmas shopping as I write this.  And one last thing - the presentation is at least as important as the present (meaning, you can dress up a humble gift and make it that much more special - more on that in a previous post).

sliding into holiday mode

I love melding traditions. We do not celebrate Thanksgiving in Europe. But I have come to embrace this wonderful holiday wholeheartedly as a gateway to Advent, since the 1st Advent usually falls on the Sunday right after Thanksgiving.   This past week-end began with pumpkins and ended with our German Advent wreath. When I was little and still living in Germany the much anticipated 4-week period before Christmas was filled with baking Christmas cookies, eagerly awaiting St. Nicholas (who comes during the night of December 5 to December 6 and puts goodies into shoes the children leave outside their door before going to bed), going to Christmas concerts, having Advent Tea (or coffee, or cocoa) with Stollen, the German Christmas cake, and Lebkuchen, the traditional southern German Christmas cookies, on the four Sundays before Christmas while sitting by candle light and singing Christmas carols or playing Christmas music.  

Transparentpapiersterne

We would gather around the dining table and make straw star ornaments and transparent paper snowflakes to attach to the windows. When we were older we would spray beechnut and chestnut shells, which look like four-sided stars when fully open, silver or gold. And my mother would spray whole walnuts as well as eucalyptus branches with their pods silver or gold, which all make festive decorations.

Advent calendars are becoming more common here and my own teenage children have not yet outgrown this custom.   My parents had explained to me that it would be Christmas once all the doors were open. In my wisdom I opened all doors at the same time and asked my parents whether it was now Christmas.

My daughter is baking Christmas cookies from a German Christmas cookbook as I write this. But I probably have to wait to be a grandmother to make straw stars again.

Also look back on a previous Advent post.

pie night

Family traditions are wonderful. They have so much meaning because they are particular to each family and therefore unique. You can even create your own, modify the ones from your family, or simply keep the ones you like and pass them down to your children.  Holiday traditions also ground you in your cultural heritage. And what's best about beloved family traditions is that you can look forward to them each year because they will keep coming back again and again. There is comfort in knowing that and traditions give you a sense of belonging, something that is even more important for children than for adults. My husband's family used to do Pie Night on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. All the pies for Thanksgiving dinner for 35 or so people would be made that night. Crazy! It was my husband's dad who was in charge. Pie night was his thing. It was a beloved family tradition for many many years, especially the children loved it of course. So many pies would be made that people could take leftovers home.

We have been trying to keep Pie Night, but seem to have to modify it each year to accommodate busy work schedules. This year we are having three Pie Nights. It is important for us that everything gets made from scratch, and since the crusts are all different there is no way to shorten the process assembly line style - hence three nights.  Last night, on Pie Night #1, we made cranberry tartes. Tonight, on Pie Night #2, we will make maple syrup pie and pumpkin pie with hazelnuts, and tomorrow,on Pie Night #3, we will make apple galettes.

What Thanksgiving traditions do you cherish?

clutter outside - clutter inside?

Clutter and mess, or not?  Clutter and mess promote creativity, they say, while neatness and tidiness are associated with conventionalism.   Yet, according to feng shui principles clutter and mess keep stale and stagnant energy around, whereas uncluttering and tidying up let fresh energy stream in and open up new possibilities.

The basement in our old house was definitely not a creative space any longer. It was stuffed to the ceiling with stuff, so much stuff that we ended up with duplicates and triplicates of tools and stuff because we couldn't find our stuff. We got rid of a lot of stuff when we moved. And as soon as we were in the new house my husband meticulously and methodically organized the carefully selected leftovers  with shelving units and hanging organizers. Now it feels really good to walk into the basement and actually find what you are looking for instead of rummaging around and walking back up in frustration because you couldn't find those pliers or screws you knew you had somewhere.

I always wonder about the connection between clutter in your mind and clutter in your home or office.   Clutter also has to do with a fear of letting go - you never know when you might need that stuff.  And feng shui has a lot to say about clutter and where you have it.  I find cleaning up and uncluttering quite liberating because you can literally see clearly again.

Messiness, while in the act of creating something specific, has definitely its creative purpose. But some organization in your everyday life is not only useful but downright refreshing and even necessary (there - that fresh chi energy).   Can't find that spice you wanted to use in your rub, can't find that black sweater that goes with those green pants, can't find that book you were just talking about with your friend? Time to make room, clear out, unclutter, organize, and get that fresh chi moving. I am convinced it clears your mind, too.

it doesn't get better than that

The looming holiday season fills many of us with stress and dread and a sense of obligation, especially if we are the one hosting. My mother-in-law used to have between 35 and 45 people for a sit-down Thanksgiving dinner every year. The preparations for hosting so many people are daunting for sure, and sometimes she would say "never again" the night before Thanksgiving.   We, of course, oblivious at the time of the long-term planning that goes into such an event, always looked forward to those big gatherings. It's nice to dress up, it's nice to see Aunt Jeanne and Uncle Charles again, it's neat to see how much the kids have grown, it's fun to taste all those traditional family recipes again.  It's also just simply wonderful to belong to this big crowd of family and friends. And the ritual of celebrating an annual holiday again and again grounds us in the seasons and in the circularity of natural cycles. I find it truly comforting. Relationships - being with others, sharing a meal, having good conversations - are one of the greatest mood enhancers. A strong network of friends, a good support structure, doing things in community or with friends all do more for your health than doctor's visits and pills. We thrive on relationships, on acceptance, on community, on activities with others.  We love to be cared for, we love to belong.

Of course we need to take turns playing both roles - host and invitee, otherwise it's no fun for everyone else. But as long as it all balances out in the end I take the work of being on the giving end in stride. After all - if I don't give I won't receive. Besides, I actually love having people over, making them feel cared for, choreographing an evening of togetherness to create an environment of mutual enjoyment. It's quite exhilarating to create the backdrop for so much pleasure.   Life doesn't get better than that!

to do or not to do

             Oftentimes I feel guilty when I am not doing something.   Our culture makes us believe that we have to be "productive," productive in the economic sense.   But this morning I caught myself just staring out of the window into the first snow of the season and admiring the landscape, and admiring the beauty, and .....just being, being content and in awe and enjoying myself without doing anything. Doing something with intent is fine, but doing something because we believe we should be busy all the time for the sake of being busy, not so much. A common dialogue when running into someone we know goes something like this: A: "How's it going? What have you been up to?" B: "Oh, I've been busy." Being busy has become a virtue, and when you are not busy you are lazy - and who wants to be called lazy?

If it weren't for that relentless cultural and economic nudge I would spend my days reading and sipping tea and seeing friends, and eating of course. That's a whole lot of being and not so much doing. Going deep, going within, being still, taking a moment to not do is very settling, it's grounding.

"Ebola's mystery...

...one boy dies, another lives." This was a headline in yesterday's NY Times.  But is it Ebola that is mysterious? Is the flu mysterious? Some people get the flu, some don't, and some even die of it. So it goes with all afflictions. Maybe the mystery lies elsewhere, although it is typical of our present culture to see the mystery in Ebola, in the flu, and in any event outside of ourselves.

But every person is unique, everyone comes with a different agenda or predisposition into this life, everyone deals with situations differently, everyone lives in unique and individual surroundings.

We seek predictability from science, we want the same test results validated again and again to "prove" something scientifically. We want to believe that a certain treatment will result in the same repeatable healing mechanism. But it doesn't!   Our immune systems are unique, our mental patterns are personalized, our healing mechanisms are individual and unique.  Instead of trying to shoehorn the effects of treatments into supposedly predictable outcomes, which they don't, how about looking at healing as a personal and individual process that is unique to each one of us?

I believe that the mystery lies in our human nature, not in Ebola.